Who Talks Sex Anyway?
December 5th 2006 12:10
Singles, Couples, Swingers, Hetero or Gay…Is there a specific group who talk about sex openly? And if so; who, and who are they talking to?
I am a part of a heterosexual couple…the female part and as a couple we do not have problems talking openly about sex but that’s where it stops
I have a lot of girlfriends who I am very close with and trust, yet I find this topic rarely comes up and If it does, we roll our eyes, giggle, make some innocuous innuendo and move on.
Most of my girlfriends are in relationships and they generally choose not to talk about the intimate times…not that I’m interested, it’s just that I find that fact interesting. My single friends on the other hand are quite happy to say things like “the sex is great” and “I like/he likes this” and so on, but it generally stops there.
When it comes to my gay friends, there are no reservations.
They tell you a story and they don’t leave out the good bits – or the gory details!
I find that in return I can be honest with them, perhaps not in detail but definitely more than I find I discuss with most of my girlfriends.
Although – not to be creating stereotypes here, there is one girlfriend I find I can talk about absolutely anything sexual, but it is a very clinical discussion, almost as if we are discussing the correct way to sterilise a wound…it’s not a bad thing it’s just different, and you need someone to provide that kind of information in your life.
So that’s the extent of me and my sex talk, I know among a big group of girls there is that ‘general’ kind of talk – but it usually ends up in a joke. I have also been privy to many blokey drinking sessions and heard the way that they discuss women and what they’d like to do to them. That’s usually pretty tame. In fact, the most graphic I’ve ever heard has come from beer drinking songs – and that was just plain gross.
So who else is talking about it and what are they saying? Am I just a prude? Or is that all there is to sex conversation, I don’t know. I suppose I am not asking questions so how can I get information. I probably don’t need it..but then, I don’t know what I’m missing out on.
Men, do you discuss this man to man? I’ll never really know that. And how detailed do you get – or rather how much are you willing to share and why…is it a matter of trust and being comfortable to talk about it among friends or is it a kiss and tell.
There are things that I will discuss with my mother but not friends (and that’s the clinical stuff) and then those same things I may never utter to anyone, not even the closest of friends.
Personally I don’t see this topic as taboo, but I know it has its place.
I find that if I am going to discuss it with friends it is easier if my partner is not around – even though I will probably tell him everything we discussed later.
It’s the social dynamic that permits this in one circumstance and forbids it in another. But in saying that I guess you have to be willing to volunteer the information to have the discussion…so again it comes down to you.
So I ask you – am I a prude?
Are you?
I am a part of a heterosexual couple…the female part and as a couple we do not have problems talking openly about sex but that’s where it stops
I have a lot of girlfriends who I am very close with and trust, yet I find this topic rarely comes up and If it does, we roll our eyes, giggle, make some innocuous innuendo and move on.
Most of my girlfriends are in relationships and they generally choose not to talk about the intimate times…not that I’m interested, it’s just that I find that fact interesting. My single friends on the other hand are quite happy to say things like “the sex is great” and “I like/he likes this” and so on, but it generally stops there.
When it comes to my gay friends, there are no reservations.
They tell you a story and they don’t leave out the good bits – or the gory details!
I find that in return I can be honest with them, perhaps not in detail but definitely more than I find I discuss with most of my girlfriends.
Although – not to be creating stereotypes here, there is one girlfriend I find I can talk about absolutely anything sexual, but it is a very clinical discussion, almost as if we are discussing the correct way to sterilise a wound…it’s not a bad thing it’s just different, and you need someone to provide that kind of information in your life.
So that’s the extent of me and my sex talk, I know among a big group of girls there is that ‘general’ kind of talk – but it usually ends up in a joke. I have also been privy to many blokey drinking sessions and heard the way that they discuss women and what they’d like to do to them. That’s usually pretty tame. In fact, the most graphic I’ve ever heard has come from beer drinking songs – and that was just plain gross.
So who else is talking about it and what are they saying? Am I just a prude? Or is that all there is to sex conversation, I don’t know. I suppose I am not asking questions so how can I get information. I probably don’t need it..but then, I don’t know what I’m missing out on.
Men, do you discuss this man to man? I’ll never really know that. And how detailed do you get – or rather how much are you willing to share and why…is it a matter of trust and being comfortable to talk about it among friends or is it a kiss and tell.
There are things that I will discuss with my mother but not friends (and that’s the clinical stuff) and then those same things I may never utter to anyone, not even the closest of friends.
Personally I don’t see this topic as taboo, but I know it has its place.
I find that if I am going to discuss it with friends it is easier if my partner is not around – even though I will probably tell him everything we discussed later.
It’s the social dynamic that permits this in one circumstance and forbids it in another. But in saying that I guess you have to be willing to volunteer the information to have the discussion…so again it comes down to you.
So I ask you – am I a prude?
Are you?
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Comment by MelissaA
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But I do find it is the other way around with women - the singles talk about it more, although I do have a couple of friends with which we don't get into details but we will make comments about say what one of the menfolk wanted to attempt that particular morning with one of us and the like. Which can be quite funny when you get someone who doesn't talk about it all that much saying - "Oh, so they all do that, I thought it was just me!" ; )
Comment by katyzzz
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You're not a prude, but I think I am.
But I love sexual innuendo, with specific people. I guess for people in a relationship it's a privacy thing which I feel does not get a lot of respect, nowadays, those with specific problems should seek advice from a skilled and experienced counsellor.
What makes people talk about sex as something isolated from being part of a richer, more fulfilling relationship. We are not animals, we are human beings with some distinct and special values.
Sex has gone on since time began, without all this discussion. I think many need to grow up and accept male, female differences and treat each other with honesty and respect.
Talk can be cheap and can often not solve anything.
It is not the top priority in a relationship, such relationships generally do not last long.
Females, indeed can be easy targets for unscrupulous men, sadly.
No, I am not a man hater, I love men but I am extremely selective, also realistic. And I do like sex and think it a very normal part of life.
katyzzz
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Comment by Vixter
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I agree about singles being bigger talkers than couples for females..I am not so sure in the case of men - I do know about the men reporting back - i get that A lot - I hear all the stories and I guess that means that I am a story too - that's fineI supose - as long as he protects my honour!
As for females in couples not revealing so much - I guess it is all part of protecting your partners honour...and your own.
Katyzzz, thanks for your comment, you are right - we aren't animals, it's good that people talk about sex and it's highly important that we do - I think the fact that we talk about it demonstrates that it is not paramount in a relationship. Well at least, as you said people can realise it is not central to the loving part..it is a part of it though and important and on that particular tangent, you could probably talk for ages.
I suppose that's what people say when sex gets "complicated" I don't know if I fully understand that - I may have to experience it...I don't knwo if I want to understand all its complications.
Innuendo - that's different again...I guess some poeple can say that it's a scared persons talk, but it's all in fun and can be flirty - I guess it all depends on who you're speaking with and how far they go with it. but i guess it's not really the same as just downright talk...which as i said before is not really easy to get to.
Comment by Cibbuano
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I dunno... I guess we're just animals!
Comment by MelissaA
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Comment by Vixter
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Very interesting what you're saying there cib - i thought it would be the other way aroud..but then when you are unavailable yes, you can talk from "experience" so tto speak!