Up the Bum
February 20th 2012 02:42
I don't like things in my bum and neither does my boyfriend. We confirmed that on the weekend when we both went to get colonic hydrotherapy. You're curious aren't you? So was I. As they say curiosity killed the cat, a very apt saying for what we went through. They say you feel 'light' afterwards, you have a sense of wellbeing and feel fresh and clean inside. Apparently you lose weight and it cleans out nasty stuff that has been sitting inside you for a while, it can even prevent cancer! Wanting to detox after holidays abroad I thought it would be great.
"How do you feel?"said the lady as she led me into a room with a bath-like contraption at the side. HOW DO YOU FEEL... how do you think I feel? I'm about to get a hose up the bum how would you feel?!
I actually didn't know how I felt at the time, I hadn't really thought through what was about to happen....after a lengthy pause I said "scared" while she tried answering the question for me by saying 'nervous' ... it was definitely a lot words like that rolled into one as I started asking myself why I was doing this. Health benefits... health benefits.. health benefits... I guess I thought I had a marble up there from when I was a kid and would be glad to get rid of it.
She pointed to a small cup of lube sitting on a towel on top of the bathy/toilety thing and showed me a spout that i apparently had to insert into my rectum MYSELF! I was actually hoping someone else could do it for me so I didn't have to think about it so much - imagine giving yourself the flu injection! There's a reason why you don't.
She left the room and told me to ring the bell when i was ready. Squeezing and squrming and trying to relax I finally got this thing in. And I felt violated... by myself? This was my choice. I had bought it for myself and my boyfriend but I was feeling asthough I had digitally raped myself in some way (for no sick pleasurable gain!).
I was getting ready for the worst experience of my life! She turned the taps on and I felt a warm sensation behind me. She left the room and my colon started filling up with water. Basically your stomach aches like you've eaten bad seafood until you can't stand the pain anymore so you push out - like diorrhea. The squeezing (so the water wouldn't come out) and the pushing went on for about half an hour. I did it I'm guessing around 30 times. I was sweating, I wanted it to end but I curiously couldn't stop looking at what was coming out, where is that marble? I thought I was going to get a hernia with all the pushing I had to do. There were magazines beside me and I had a heat pack on my stomach but I couldn't read anything, couldn't turn a page, I was fixated on the task at hand.
The woman kept coming in and asking me if I was okay. Do you know how hard it is to go to the toilet in front of a stranger? not just to go to the toilet but to have violent diorrhea in front of a stranger? I felt like screaming 'get out get out get out!!' as my stomach started hurting more and more until I could last no longer. I wondered if she enjoyed her job.
After I had completed the marathon and the water tank was down to its last drop I was happy it was over. So happy in fact that I rang the bell 3 times - get me outta here! The woman came shuffling in and I was given further instructions on how to leave the room. I had a cup of probiotics waiting for me outside and a glass of water, a nice gesture after you've had water pumped into your bottom for half an hour.
My boyfriend surfaced from the room next, pale faced and his grey t-shirt had turned black with sweat, shuffling his feet along the floor. He couldn't look me in the eye. He managed to sit down and told me in a kids voice that it the worst day of his life. He didn't talk much for the rest of the day. It was a great Valentines Day surprise.
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